It would seem that my foot did get better, much better. I am happy to report that
I have started back to playing tennis again, and have even hit the gym a few times.
I'm trying diligently not to overdo, but that is not generally in my vocabulary.
Now I am stressing over not doing one, or the other enough, or too much, as the case may be. Either way, there just isnt enough time in the day for all the things that I can find to stress about.
But my search continues......
I sometimes reflect on when my kids were growing up, the things that got on my nerves so badly... some of those things never really change... but I do enjoy that I dont have to deal with it anymore :)
I loathed parents of brainiacs. You know the ones I am talking about!
I mean they take all the credit for their darling children being so smart, and making such good grades in school, yadda yadda, its all you ever hear about. And meanwhile your dumb ass kids are struggling to get B's and C's and you always feel super lucky when there is no D, or F on the report card. I used to hate when the report cards came out, I could hardly wait to hear the bragging, oh let it begin please, let me hear one more time, just how smart your kid is, and what a great job you as a parent are doing, please!!
I had one person that always called me on the day the report cards came out, to inquire of my kids grades, and then went on to brag about her kids grades, and that they were on the honor roll, yadda yadda.....
Cut me to the quick, make me feel more inadequate, please I dont ever feel it enough.
What you learn as you get older, is these kids were never really pushed into this, by all of these bragging parents. Most of them were not prodded, or coached, or threatened, or anything from all of these taking all the credit parents. These kids wanted it. They pushed their own selves to do this. I'm not saying the parents had nothing to do with it, but just saying the kids wanted it for themselves. They can sit back and gloat if they want to, they can take the credit if they want to, but they know, they know what their role was. hmmff!! You cant make someone want something that they just dont.
I have known parents that have honestly admitted they had nothing to do with this, so I know this is true.
But if that is true, then you have to wonder, where do these children come from? I mean what is the secret ingredient?
How does it happen? Is there a plan, a strategy? Or is is just good genes?
Is it within the child? Where does the desire to become a self sufficient adult come from?
I love my kids.. I am proud of all them. They struggle, they make mistakes... but they all have turned out to be good people... I dont know how much I had to do with that.
I do however, understand why some animal parents desert, their children. Its like, survive or dont, its up to you darling. I still love you, but you are on your own. I think they know something we dont.
I think our generation made a peter pan existence for some of our children, without realizing that we were setting this all into motion? How could we have enabled them so completely without even knowing we were doing it?
Or is it a generational thing? Did we allow them too much tv, too many video games, too much freedom? Not enough freedom? Did we do too much thinking for them, or not enough? Did we allow too many choices or not enough? Did we push them too hard, or never insist on pushing them at anything? Were we too strict or not strict enough?
I have spent countless hours of missed sleep contemplating this.
I actually do know adult (children), that seem to be quite self sufficient,
organized, and in control of their own lives? They seem to stay on a course. They even become good parents.
Of course they make their share of mistakes, they arent perfect, they flounder some, from time to time, and have set backs. But they do okay all in all.
Oh, and then the Grandkids come.....
There is this sense of euphoria upon becoming a grandparent, you take that soft sigh of relief, that these little ones have all their fingers and toes, and eyes and ears, and then you feel a certain sense of calmness, and a....... I guess what would amount to as a feeling of being high, (never really been there, but heard) :) , and you sit back, and think, now, now they will grow up, my baby has a baby! I mean they have a child of their own right?
The need we cant resist is in our grandchildren, so they got us right where they want us.
They have something we want,, and they know exactly how to get to us now.:)
We are puppets once these grandchildren come into the world.
They have finally found our weakness and they know when to attack.
We should have kicked them from the nest while they were still young :)
We're done right? no more beating ourselves up for all that we didnt do, should've done, or whatever.
I'm done with all that, well, most days :) I think I tend to enjoy the beatings from time to time:)
I still lose sleep for the mistakes I made, and cant fix.
As I look around, It seems that kids today are always whining and bitching about poor me!! Oh My God!!! "I never have any "me" time." ! wah! wah! wah!
I hear that all the time. What the hell is that anyway? I never knew their was a "me" :) Or that I could get my own time.
I never heard my own mother talk about me time, she was like Nike before her time, and just did it.
Guess I am just in a bad mood... I'll think of a reason later:)..
