Well, I made it through another birthday!

I dont feel any older, I examined the old merchandise in the mirror, as I do from time to time, on my way to or from the shower. I cant say that I am sicking myself out... too much. I feel lucky, no not lucky, very blessed actually.

I mean seriously, I look at people my age, just to compare from time to time, we all do it, (do they look older or younger than me?)  “do they have more wrinkles, do they color their hair?, have they had work done”? Its what we do, if you say you dont, you are so not being honest.

I remember when I was way younger, like in my twenties, and thinking I would live forever.... yadda yadda!!!

And in my juvenile thinking I thought I will never look old, or wear knit pants.

Well, the knit pants did find their way into my closet at some point, but quickly left with when all the baby weight gain left.

As far as looking old... I guess I have sort of come to terms with things, I figure,  that given what I could look like and what I do, I’ll take what I’ve got. I’ve considered the alternative, and I like this way better.

I do know that I have changed over the last year. I mean mentally, (no I’m not mental:), unless you are listening to my kids:)

But seriously, I have changed very much, in the way that I think of things and look at things. In some ways, I feel like a weight has been lifted over the past few months, and it is getting easier and easier to just let things go. I mean really, I have no control over what people think, and do, ( I never did)....and how they want to live their lives, so why stress over it, I cant effect any change in them.

I think there has been a lightbulb hovering over me for a few years now, and it has finally come all the way on.

It has flashed on a few time over the years, and I have made a few turns here and there.... but.....

My God, there is just so much, that I really dont care about any more.

I guess that there are just so many more things that really matter....

I mean really, everything seems different... I just dont care as much about the little things... I heard, or read something once, that went like this...”Dont sweat the petty things”, and dont pet the sweaty things” I finally get that. Its liberating!

I just keep thinking all the time now...”bring it”, because I dont care!!!
I’d like to write a song, called “I dont care”  (maybe I will) :)

I think that one thing that seems to have really changed for me... recently... is that I dont care so much about what people think.... (more specifically), I mean all the things I have beat myself up over for, well since I gave birth to my first child over 36 years ago...., and started second guessing my every thought, and decision. I mean I do care in the sense that I want my children to know that , I love them all, more than anything, But...I think I am no longer willing to just get so emotionally invested in all the drama... I’m going to put my hand up more often, and just say no, I cant do that, or wont do that.

and I dont care any more about being shut out if I speak my mind, or not talked to, or cut off from my grand kids... Its their choice, they can like me, hate me, love me, “I just dont care”!!  They’ll get over it!

I mean isnt it just like a kid.. they ask us what we think, we tell them, and they are like, “seriously”??? You must be crazy. Well, the old me would have psychoanalyzed  myself to death over them thinking what I thought was all wrong.. but guess what? I dont care any more!!

I feel so free!!

I finally get my Mother....She got  this years before I did.

My mom was a hard working woman, she had issues... lost her parents when she was young, and she had no siblings...I know it affected her...but she was loving, and nurturing....and she never minced words, she said what she thought, and didnt give a damn what people thought of her, and I loved her just the way she was, and I miss her still, and shes been gone for 15 years.

I have always been accused of being like her, but compared to her I am such a wimp...but theres hope for me yet...I’m still young...and I dont care!!! :)

I am anxiously awaiting this week to get started...

I’m meeting my new grandson Seth for the first time, and along with him I get a blessed bonus of my youngest...  grandaughter... (well I just love them all), but I cant wait to see these two littlest one... I dont get to see too often. 

Haiyley is now 18 months old, she will be so fun, and Seth

is just barely three weeks old. 

I love love love being a grandparent, maybe more than a parent, just kidding, but not.

I love how they love us, and they are just so happy to see us, and us them. And the best part is, they go home, just about when you need a rest:)

I got a new camera for my birthday, I cant wait to just exhaust it with all the pictures I’ll be taking to show off my grandkids.

Seriously!!!