Poor Me!

Ok, so if you make good choices, go ahead and pat yourself on the back....Good Job!!! 

And if you make bad choices, stop whining and blaming everyone else for the choices that you make. I'm so sick of the "poor me" I could scream. 

If you are over 21, and "claim to be an adult". Own it!! You want to drag around that poor me crap for the rest of your life?  Your choices, your fault! 

No one held a gun to your head and made you spend your last dollar on something stupid, so that you cant pay your bills on time, wah!  No one made you dye your hair a stupid color, so that strangers look at you weird... no one forced you to put schrapnel on your face or ink on your body, people are going to look, get over it!! Guess what?  If you look different...(and that is all in the eye of the beholder),  people are gonna look. Its kinda what you were going for when you made the choice to make yourself look the way you chose to look. You wanted to look different....Your choice....live with it. Stop whining every time you get a "look". If you think a big old metal piece in your nose or mouth, or ear, is pretty, who cares what anyone else thinks?, but you can expect that people will look, thats a guarantee, because it isn't pretty to everyone that looks at it. Its just plain weird, ok? My opinion! Go ahead and judge me, I don't care!

Stop dragging around the "its not my fault" sign on your forehead. 

Stop playing the blame game. The game where nothing bad, or negative is your fault, but everything good in your life is because you made it happen. 

You cannot have it both ways, if you take credit for the good, then you must accept responsibility for the bad, or negative, whatever in your life.

In a perfect world, we would all live in harmony, with everyone else, no one would judge, or stare, or look at people weird if they looked weird, we would all accept everyone for who and what they are....but that ship has sailed. That is just not reality.

Its human nature to look at what seems different to you, and think of it as weird, whether you say anything out loud or not, everyone does it. We try not to be judgmental, be we all are, at some level. We all have free will and choices to make. And a different eye for what is pretty or acceptable, or different.

I try to accept people for who they are, and the way they are, and I do try and look beneath the outer level, as much as possible, and for the most part, unless they are whining about their "poor me" life,  I do. Just don't try and change me to what you think I should be, and I won't try and change you to what I think you should be, how about that?

Just get over yourself already, and stop whining about the choices you make. 

I get judged too, but I don't care!!  I'm not trying to impress anyone, .  I'm boring,... and, I don't care!! And I don't whine about my choices.

I do however beat myself up for them sometimes:)

Yes, it does get better than this

Don't quite know where to start this one, so many thoughts, people that need to be fixed....but seriously....
I think that I have come to the conclusion that, there will always be things and people that are broken and cannot be fixed. I insist on banging my head against the wall, trying to figure out how I can fix this or that, or save this or that. I need to let it go... I can't fix everything. I did try just today to stitch together two pieces of batting to make one bigger one, that I needed for a quilt... bad idea, like I said you can't fix everything.
I do admit that I like to be in control of things, but thats not the same thing as a control freak.
Apparantly what happens over a period of time, when one insists on trying to do what everyone around them would have them to do, said person becomes convinced that their own thoughts, must be wrong somehow.
I have recently been to the wall and back with feelings of despair over being told by one of my adult children, that I failed.
Are you kidding me? Where was I when this happened?
Was I cooking too many dinners?, Was I tucking them in too much, or reading too much, or hugging too much? Did I not support them or discipline enough?
Guess I will file this under WTH???

Lets all blame everyone else

When did it become ok to just blame everyone else for everything that is wrong in your own life?
Are you kidding me?
Why do some people insist that everything that is wrong in their world can be traced back to something someone else did, or in most cases (didnt do for them) ?
I am in shock most of the time these days, just listening.

I feel criticized for speaking my mind, and for not speaking my mind. Either way, its lose lose.
We can't do this or that, or we will hurt this persons feelings. If we spend too much time, or are to friendly with one person too much, we are  stealing them from someone else. Seriously?
People want to put you in a box, wrap it up tight, and take you out when they need you and put you back in for a rainy day, or when they need you to write them a check, or keep their kids.
Oh and if I don't want anything to do with you for weeks at a time, thats fine too...but don't you dare have anything to do with anyone I don't like.
This will begin my WTF file...

For now I will just have to think of happier times and happier places:)

Yes its Hot!!

Ok, we have established that its Hot!!

Well, it is Texas, and it is almost July, its gonna be hot.

I love hearing people complaining about the heat, I do it myself. But are you kidding me?. I mean think about where we live. I try to remember all those cold days, and think about when I was shivering on a tennis court, freezing to death, and the wind blowing so hard, I wanted to cry.

I think I’ll take the heat, at least we dont have gale force winds now.

My theory is this, you can figure out how to cool off, but when its cold... its just cold... brrr!!!

Any why do the hot flashes never ever hit when you are freezing to death,? noooo, they always hit when you are already hot and sticky, makes you want to choke someone, anyone. 

I love the summer, and with the exception of the bugs... its almost perfect for me. I grew up in West Texas, where its really hot, and as a kid went barefoot most of the summer, those are my hot memories, at least now I have air conditioning, and not one of those air cooler things in the window that blows cool water on you, and you only got to be cool if you had one in your room. We had only one in our house, and that was in the living room, so I am thinking its way better now. just sayin. It just seems like we never knew that it could be better so we didnt know, and I dont remember complaining about the heat or ever thinking, “wah!!!, its hot!!!”

So we are taking a vacation this year, with our best buds, Brent and Donna Cooper.

Going to Hawaii... yay, countdown has already begun, 7 weeks and 5 days until we leave. We have been planning this for a year, can you say ready?

We will split nine days between Kauai, and Maui.

I have been to Kauai once,  and Maui twice. This will  be our first trip that is not with Oracle, so its not a working trip.

We keep joking that we may not come back.

I  want to do all the things we never had time to do on our previous trips. More snorkeling, more hiking, and more relaxing.  And more pina coladas :) I am considering not taking my phone. 

I tend to absorb other peoples stress, so that could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Chuck says I am too accessible, I dont know about that, I just love my family and friends, and I like being there when they need me. It will be hard to leave my phone, but it might be the best thing to do, ... we’ll see :)

I am working hard to get into better shape, I have lost a few pounds, but they always seem to find me again.

Working out regular gets harder every year.

Everything hurts, and I’m always thinking, why am I doing this? I do like the feeling afterwards, but hate every minute of  the in between, and especially the cardio.  We have our own workout room at home now, so I only go to the gym to do legs mostly. Sometimes arms, I hate free weights, and since I screwed up my elbow with the dumb kettleball, I feel a bit more controlled with the machines.

Donna and I decided to get our swimsuit shopping out of the way, before everything was picked over in the stores....

That is always such a downer. I cannot look like that person in the mirror.

I am way hotter than that. She has jiggly stuff, I dont :)

We had a lot of fun, laughing at each other and  ourselves, so it was really much better to do that as a team.

Its just nice to have someone there that isnt as critical of you as you are :)

I have been enjoying spending a lot of time with my four older grandkids that live close to us, I get them some days that their mother works.

I like having them around, and cooking for them, and all that stuff; they think we are  cool grandparents, so  we try to live up to that :)

My oldest grandaughter is getting her drivers license this week. 

Dang where did all the time go?, I remember her as just a little chubby girl, wearing a little mermaid costume just like it was yesterday, and now she is so grown up.

I love them all, they each have their own distinct personality, that most of the time I love, and sometimes makes me crazy, but I wouldnt have it any other way.

I think Melissa has done an awesome job, I dont know how she does it.

So we got to travel to Georgia in May to see Mark, Ashley and the kids... oh my gosh they are getting so big. I love them to pieces, and I was such a crybaby when we left. Its so hard not to get to see them on a regular basis, and seems the time flies when we are there:(

They were going to come to visit this summer, but now plans have changed and they cant make it.

We hope to get to seem them this Christmas.

I am planning a big family get together the first part of August... cant wait to catch up with all the "good stuff", and hang with the brothers, etc...not to mention all the eating that we Lightfoots can do:)

We flew to Palm Springs this spring also, and visited with Chucks parents a few days, it was a nice visit, I love the weather there, cool in the mornings and when we were there, it wasnt too hot in the afternoon yet.

July will be a long month, Melissas kids go to their dads for the month, and that means we dont get to see them. So I will be in big time withdrawal by the end of the month. I do think ( I know), I will finish my quilt during this time, and I am also taking on another project, and that is learning about stock trading. I am excited about this, something I have always wanted to do, and have dabbled a bit here and there, but never gotten serious before now.

I am still writing, and editing, editing editing...

Tennis is good, I have cut back a bit, on the amount of time I play, and I am only doing doubles and mixed doubles....as I am doing more weight training and cardio now. Its just too hot, and I am getting too old to be out in the heat for so long. I am not doing any singles this summer. Maybe will start playing some again this fall.

We have had a lot of drama in our family over the past few months, I am hoping that has started to wind down, I can only hope, and pray...

I cant count the number of times that I shook my phone so hard as though I was choking someone...it was good too, I am a good visualizer... and I choked one person so hard in my mind, they should probably still have some bruises on their neck :) just sayin!! :)

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Ok, I am just going to gripe about one thing before I close...

Why is it that some people think they can say whatever they want, whenever they want, to whomever they want, without any regard to who they might hurt when they say it?, But if you dare to say what you think back, they are stunned and shocked to the core?

I just dont get this.....

They go around saying stuff with no thought, while the rest of us carefully control what we say (mostly), because we dont like to hurt peoples feelings. Seriously?, 

There are just so many dumb people.... Not enough time to choke them all :)

They do not listen to, or hear themselves... its just,  blah blah, me,  blah blah, me, .. all day long..

There is an old saying that goes like this...

"Its better to keep your mouth closed, and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt"!! 

Stay cool!!

Its all Good!!

So here we are, a brand new year... 01/01/2011... Seems really weird to even think about or write it out.

I’m glad its a fresh new year. I’m ready to blow out the torch on the old one. :) I have lots of plans for this New Year, God willing, I will make a few changes. 

At the very top of my list....is my need to  put God first in my life, no more back burner. He deserves front row... He puts me first, so its the least I can do :)

I cant say I really have any new years resolutions, but I am planning on trying to pray more, give more...eat healthier, work out a little more diligently, and more often.

I want to be a better listener, slower to speak, and slower to interject my own thoughts before the other person is finished talking.... more conscientious, less nervous about how I am perceived.  I have got to stop this never ending war within myself about it being my responsibility that everyone around me is happy, and that its my job to make them happy whether they want to be or not. 

Seriously, even when I write it and read it it sounds ridiculous, but still my quest to make everyone “ok” is making me nuts.

When will I get it?.. that It isnt up to me? There I said it!!

But will I put into practice what I preach? That will be tough for me.

I can be better at not letting petty things get to me.

I need to learn to let things out a little bit when they bother me, (without sarcasm),  not bottle them up until I explode and say horrible things that I cannot unsay.

I cannot say with any certainty that I wont lose my temper, it happens at least twice a year, I insert my foot right in there, it fits well :) 

But I can say with certainty that I am going to strive harder to not let the little things that small minded people say and do, get to me.  No bottling it up,.....Just let it go.......I have learned the hard way, (the way I learn everything), that there are those people that I trust with my life, and they in turn, trust me as well.

The others, well, I’m going to be better at keeping my thoughts to myself. (within reason), I need to learn to stop venting to untrustworthy people... that lull you into thinking that they care what bothers you..... but they will throw you under the bus, without a care in the world.

Keeping my thoughts to myself better?... hmmm....This will require work, some are bound to escape from time to time....but I know now, that I cant do this by myself, and that the Lord will help me, (He already knows I need his help), but I am going to ask for it more often.

He is the one that never fails me, that is always there for me. He has never let me down.

 We had a wonderful Christmas, all of our grandkids here together, it was more than I could hope for, if only my sons could have been here, to have all three of my adult children here together at Christmas, it would be my dream.... but maybe that will happen next year.

Mark is in Afghanistan still, I miss him terribly, and I know he misses us, and his family, and those sweet babies....and Matthew, ....well he needs to work out some more stuff before he will ever come home for Christmas.

Its all good, he has to do what he needs to do for himself.

Its his journey. He is very loved and very missed, in spite of what he thinks.

I do love this time of year, sort of like getting a new start, in case you messed up, you get to start from go again.

Its an opportunity to do things better, , at least better than you did the year before...:)  I’m thinking I did a tiny bit better with some things, but there were those things that... lets just say, “needs work”...but I get a  new year, there is hope that I can do better, work out the kinks on the stuff I failed at the year before....

A clean slate if you will :)

At least for this year so far :)

This year for our family Christmas get together, we all did the word Joy... it was interesting what everyone came up with, but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at all of the stuff they wrote, it was hard to keep it to myself as they were coming in through emails and facebook, but we put them all together, and of course Chuck read them, as I am such a cry baby when it comes to reading anything out loud.

No heart on my sleeve here :)

Joy

“Joy is when you fight your sister for that last piece of cake and you win but decide to split it because she put up a pretty good fight. It is when you achieve something that no one you know has yet. It is when people ask for your help doing something because they think highly enough for you to be capable of doing it.” – Isabella (15)

“Joy was when I was baptized was asked what being a Christian meant to me and I told the pastor and he repeated the JOY I now felt in my heart and knew that it would be with me forever....” – Jasmine (

“Joy is watching your beautiful wife hold your newborn child. Joy is watching your child unwrap their first present and seeing the smile on their face. I could go on and on but I will keep it short and sweet for once. Joy is all around us on a daily basis and many of us do not realize how joyful simple events are. I feel joy every morning when I wake up to face another day and I appreciate the opportunity to impact the lives of others.” – Russell

“Joy is happiness and beauty and spending time with my family” – Gabrielle (14)

“Joy for me is the contentment and peace I feel in my heart through no matter what life brings because the HOLY SPIRIT is there filling my soul... and no one or nothing ever can take it away! I know that no matter what may be --- that anticipation of life eternal awaits me and all will ultimately in the end be” – Debra

“Joy is finding a front parking space and a fast moving checkout line amidst all the Christmas shopping havoc” – Jarred

“Joy is waking up at 4 in the morning to Nolan rustling around.  Picking him up out of his bed, walking down the hall and checking the rooms where your 5 other babies are sleeping, fixing a bottle, sitting down on the couch and starting to feed him while your beautiful wife comes in and sits down next to you, puts her head on your arm and falls asleep.  That is pure joy to me!!!” - Adam 

“Joy is my families happiness-the moments with my children that at the time may seem ordinary, but to me they are anything but that! Seeing my babies for the first time after they were born is probably the most ultimate joy i have experienced! When everyone around me is happy I experience joy to the fullest” – Melissa

“Joy is God… Jesus… that’s all” – Elijah

“To me joy is eating breakfast in bed together while we watch Finding Nemo. – Kimberly

“Joy is happiness, ice-cream, good food, love, fun, money, 2 brothers, 3 sisters, friends and family” – Hunter

“Joy…. A door to your heart.
complete joy ….togetherness with a spouse that loves you as much as you love them.
Tears of joy…..holding your child for the first time.
Bundles of joy.. holding your grandchildren in your arms.
Joy of Family ….hugging parents and siblings, sharing our good times.” – Paul

“Joy – it means to me family and God, shelter, friends and love and when somebody cares and gives for you and that they see you for what you are.  When people are all happy” – Leah

“My joy is when I met T.A. and we married.  I have joy in my heart for my family and especially my grandchildren, and in January there will be a great granddaughter” – Delores

“Joy is happiness and love of my family” – Isaiah

“Joy is seeing Elijah, Hunter, Leah, Madison and Nolan… food, ice-cream, my bff, my family, knowing I have family that I can go to for anything” – Kaylin

“Joy is a woman who loves me, a good glass of whiskey
Joy is a home cooked meal, a Cowboys victory

Joy is when Monday is over and the weekend gets here,
Joy being a part of this family for another great year

Joy is staying young, joy is growing old,
Joy is swimming when it's hot and snuggling when it's cold

Joy is laughing til you cry and loving til you die,
Joy is all around us...don't let it pass you by!” – Ryan

“Joy means to me when somebody is there or somebody gives you a present.  Something that gives me joy is when Jesus died on the cross for our sins.  Joy is a gift that is not wrapped.  To me it is family and friends.  A simple thank-you is joy.  Smiles make me very joyous!” – Madison

“Joy – working in freezing cold weather, prepping bombs to be loaded onto the aircrafts, cursing everything around you… then hearing off in the distance, the sound of your ‘work’ coming to fruition” – Mark

“Of course Joy is my children and grandchildren.  Watching them grow and discovering new thing and their new accomplishment.  But my new Joy is rediscovering my spouse.  Experiencing new things, seeing new places, and meeting new people.  Realizing just how much I love and appreciate my spouse.” – Connie

“Joy is Christmas time-Jesus birthday celebration-being with my family” – Grace

“Comes in different shapes colors and sizes. Joy to me has changed throughout the years.

Growing up, joy was mom and dad making your birthday special. Christmas time growing up,  joy was driving around looking at decorations on Christmas eve and then coming home and opening up presents. Of course joy was getting my own coke without having to share with any siblings.

As I became an adult, the joys were different, it wasn't just about me anymore. Joy was witnessing the birth of my child, listening to him read for the first time, his first touchdown, and his success in school. Saying I do to my beautiful wife was one of the most joyous moments in my life. She and I and the kids will always remember the vacations we had. 

Joy to me now is the watching my kids grow, becoming parents of their own. Their successes in school and the success of a new career. Joy is my grandchildren hugging me, me growing older with my wife, my teams when they win, my work, (most of the time)

Still many joys to come, maybe even another essay at Christmas time.” – Neal

“There are a few meanings of joy to me.  The first definition of joy to me is seeing how excited my babies get whenever they see me.  Another meaning of joy to me is knowing no matter the miles between Mark and I, our love grows stronger.  And the third meaning is I have been so lucky to marry into a very joyous, loving family.” – Ashley

“Joy is cuddling with my husband… looking at my little man’s sweet smiles… having all of our children at home and together are the most joyful times to me!” – Heather

“Joy to me is getting under the hood of a messed up car and trying to fix it without having a clue what’s wrong, and getting it running for the person” – Kevin

“Joy to me is to love God and know He loves us – to love all my family and friends and to know all are happy and well” – Daddy (Paw Paw)

“When I think of the word "joy" I always think of Angels for some reason.  I think it has to do with reading in the scripture of Luke, how the angel said..."I bring you good tidings of great Joy"!

My first memory of joy was getting four dolls for Christmas when I was four years old. Now that is joy, especially if you are four.

Joy for me personally.....  first.. is knowing that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior... he died for me, and he's coming back for me. Amen!!  and Joy to the World!!

I find Joy in my family, my friends, the people in my life that I love, and especially those that love me back..

I feel  great joy in watching my grandkids, in the love they give to us, their sweet little faces looking at us with such love in their eyes. Who could ever ask for more than that? Joy is working hard and doing a good job... playing hard and feeling good about yourself...

I would have to say though , that my biggest joy, is in the love I have and the love I always feel when I look into Chucks eyes.  I have received more  joy from him than I ever felt like I deserved.  He is My fairy tale,  my happily ever after... my one true love....My Joy!!” – Sharon

“The notion of "joy" becomes less and less complicated as I get older.  It's about family and God.  

It is watching our kids grow, learn through experience and come out on the other side that much better and wiser for all of their experiences.  

It is about watching our grandkids evolve from cute little balls of flesh, drool and poop into little kids riding bikes, going to high school and discovering more and more of the world around them, while still retaining some of that childlike wonder for a little while longer.  

It's having that one true partner and soulmate waiting for me with open arms at the end of another long trip, making me feel like her world just got a lot better because I walked through the door.  

And it's knowing that all this is in accordance with God's plan for us, even in spite of our best attempts to screw it up.  He is awesome!” – Chuck

Its all Good!!

Happy New Year!!

Well, I made it through another birthday!

I dont feel any older, I examined the old merchandise in the mirror, as I do from time to time, on my way to or from the shower. I cant say that I am sicking myself out... too much. I feel lucky, no not lucky, very blessed actually.

I mean seriously, I look at people my age, just to compare from time to time, we all do it, (do they look older or younger than me?)  “do they have more wrinkles, do they color their hair?, have they had work done”? Its what we do, if you say you dont, you are so not being honest.

I remember when I was way younger, like in my twenties, and thinking I would live forever.... yadda yadda!!!

And in my juvenile thinking I thought I will never look old, or wear knit pants.

Well, the knit pants did find their way into my closet at some point, but quickly left with when all the baby weight gain left.

As far as looking old... I guess I have sort of come to terms with things, I figure,  that given what I could look like and what I do, I’ll take what I’ve got. I’ve considered the alternative, and I like this way better.

I do know that I have changed over the last year. I mean mentally, (no I’m not mental:), unless you are listening to my kids:)

But seriously, I have changed very much, in the way that I think of things and look at things. In some ways, I feel like a weight has been lifted over the past few months, and it is getting easier and easier to just let things go. I mean really, I have no control over what people think, and do, ( I never did)....and how they want to live their lives, so why stress over it, I cant effect any change in them.

I think there has been a lightbulb hovering over me for a few years now, and it has finally come all the way on.

It has flashed on a few time over the years, and I have made a few turns here and there.... but.....

My God, there is just so much, that I really dont care about any more.

I guess that there are just so many more things that really matter....

I mean really, everything seems different... I just dont care as much about the little things... I heard, or read something once, that went like this...”Dont sweat the petty things”, and dont pet the sweaty things” I finally get that. Its liberating!

I just keep thinking all the time now...”bring it”, because I dont care!!!
I’d like to write a song, called “I dont care”  (maybe I will) :)

I think that one thing that seems to have really changed for me... recently... is that I dont care so much about what people think.... (more specifically), I mean all the things I have beat myself up over for, well since I gave birth to my first child over 36 years ago...., and started second guessing my every thought, and decision. I mean I do care in the sense that I want my children to know that , I love them all, more than anything, But...I think I am no longer willing to just get so emotionally invested in all the drama... I’m going to put my hand up more often, and just say no, I cant do that, or wont do that.

and I dont care any more about being shut out if I speak my mind, or not talked to, or cut off from my grand kids... Its their choice, they can like me, hate me, love me, “I just dont care”!!  They’ll get over it!

I mean isnt it just like a kid.. they ask us what we think, we tell them, and they are like, “seriously”??? You must be crazy. Well, the old me would have psychoanalyzed  myself to death over them thinking what I thought was all wrong.. but guess what? I dont care any more!!

I feel so free!!

I finally get my Mother....She got  this years before I did.

My mom was a hard working woman, she had issues... lost her parents when she was young, and she had no siblings...I know it affected her...but she was loving, and nurturing....and she never minced words, she said what she thought, and didnt give a damn what people thought of her, and I loved her just the way she was, and I miss her still, and shes been gone for 15 years.

I have always been accused of being like her, but compared to her I am such a wimp...but theres hope for me yet...I’m still young...and I dont care!!! :)

I am anxiously awaiting this week to get started...

I’m meeting my new grandson Seth for the first time, and along with him I get a blessed bonus of my youngest...  grandaughter... (well I just love them all), but I cant wait to see these two littlest one... I dont get to see too often. 

Haiyley is now 18 months old, she will be so fun, and Seth

is just barely three weeks old. 

I love love love being a grandparent, maybe more than a parent, just kidding, but not.

I love how they love us, and they are just so happy to see us, and us them. And the best part is, they go home, just about when you need a rest:)

I got a new camera for my birthday, I cant wait to just exhaust it with all the pictures I’ll be taking to show off my grandkids.

Seriously!!!

Time Flies and the Roses are in bloom!

Oh my gosh, time flies by so quickly these days...So we are about to become grandparents (again). A grandson. I wish I were happier about this. Oh I am happy about having another grandbaby... and my 2nd grandson, but suffice to say, I wish some of the circumstances could be different. If I were in charge of the world. (sighh!!!)

The baby is due in July, and Mark is going to Afghanistan in September. Big concern. I think this baby and his older sister really need their Daddy to be with them, so that is a huge concern of mine.

I really cant stand the thought of him having to leave when the baby is still so tiny.

Guess the military sees it differently than I do, and they never ask for my opinion.

Mark just got back from six weeks in Vegas, on something called a tdy, which means temporary duty assignment, or something like that. 

Ashley came here for the last three weeks of the time he was gone, after spending the first few weeks with her grandmother in Florida. We are trying to work out our relationship I guess, its hard, I know for me, and I also know that I am not always the easiest person to get to know. We will figure things out I'm sure as time goes by.

I love, love, love, having that little Haiyley with us.

She is just so precious and sweet, and she totally has us both wrapped around her tiny little finger.

We are heading down to Georgia next week to bring Marks furniture to him that he has in storage here, we are pulling a trailer, so that should be a fun time for all.

It will be good to see my boy...

I miss him terribly, havnt seen him since December, and that is just too long.

We will be there on his 23rd birthday, and that will be nice.

We have had a busy year so far. Lots of travel for Chuck. Sometimes he has trips back to back, where he is gone for four to five days, two weeks in a row. I really hate him being gone so much, there just isnt enough sewing or tennis in the world to fill in all the time. The upside to all the travel is, business is good.....and there are the frequent flier mileage points, and the hotel points, which is what we are going to be saving to get to Maui next year. More on that later...

When he is home on the weekends, I just hate doing anything without him. I know, I know....my friends that have been married forever dont get this, I dont expect them to. 

Is it crazy that I just like being around him?

First of all,  I love him, and everything about him, and, I really like him, he is my best friend and husband. I have fun with him around. I dont dread anything about being with him, as was my previous married experience.

He never gets on my nerves, and he respects me, and trusts me. Dang that trust thing is huge, I never have felt that so completely with anyone before Chuck came into my life.

Its such a great feeling to know that he isnt doing something behind my back, or lying to me, and that at some point I will find out that he has kept something from me, something big, that will be one more notch that will start to peel away the layers of trust, respect and love, until there is nothing left.

Whew!!!, big sigh of relief!!

I no longer sit and wait for the other shoe to drop!!

He never asks more of me than he would ask of himself, and is by far the most giving, and generous person I have ever known in my life.

He is right up there next to my Dad, who I never doubted was the kindest, most generous, giving,  loving person I ever knew. I honestly didnt know that there was another like him until I met Chuck.

He gives without expecting something in return, and he makes me strive to be the best person I can be.

What is really weird is that we dont fight. I mean we hardly ever even disagree. We always seem to be in the same chapter of the same book at the same time, and it isnt boring.

What are the odds?

We did have some issues when the kids were still at home, I think the usual, “your kid is a shit,” no, “that would be your kid is a shit”. Normal stuff. There were some really stupid things that we got into it over... times, that are so laughable now. Some were not so funny at the time, but as I look back, I dont remember anything being so bad.

I think the worst thing that Mark ever said about Chuck was, “you know he isnt as funny as he thinks he is”

To which I am thinking, thats it? That is the only thing that you can come up with that you dont like.

The worst fight we ever had in ten years was over toenail clippers.

 I have this annoying habit of not putting certain things back where he last put it. I am forever seeking a better spot, or newer place to put something that will be more convenient.

The problem is, I forget where this new and more convenient spot is. And when pressed to remember, I forget even more, so, this whole episode flared up when he was in the process of looking for the clippers, and I was trying to defend my putting them in a better spot, and he said something to the effect of why couldnt I just leave them alone, to which I replied, well, I think it was something like well, too bad...or get over it... but it could have started with the “f” word, and then he used the “f”word back, and so on and so on... then there was a door slam, and then lots of yelling... and then we started laughing at the stupidity of the entire fight, over a pair of toenail clippers. :)

We are not taking a vacation this year, we are saving up to take a big one next year. We are going back to Maui.

This is so exciting, because the first time we went, we were there during 911, and it was so horrible to be so far away, and with all the tragedy that was happening here, all we could think about was getting home.

That was a very strange time. I remember not seeing any planes flying for like two days, and not being able to leave, and not really being able to have a good time either, we felt so guilty. When we finally did get to the airport in Honolulu, there were military everywhere, with guns, and they were going through everyones baggage like piece by piece, and there was a line around the airport, we waited in line for four hours in the heat. All I could think of while in that line, was what the people in New York were experiencing, and going through, losing so many loved ones, and still they were trying to dig out, and figure out why did this all happen.

We did have a couple of amazing days there before 911 happened.

I will always remember how totally beautiful it is there, the smells, and just the warm tropical breeze is awesome.

Makes you just want to make like Jimmy Buffett... and hang out for a while in this paradise place.

I remember snorkeling for the first time.

I was really scared, always have been a bit scared of the water, I almost drowned when I was 12, and you never really get over that feeling. 

I am especially afraid of “big water”, like mostly anything bigger than pool water. And then there is that feeling of I cant see all of the stuff and things that might be down there, and crap, there could be sharks or eels, or anything that could possibly be a danger to my life, which I am fond of.

So we rented the mask and fins and all the gear, and we drove the the other side of the island to this place called Honolua Bay. It was the most stunningly beautiful place I had ever seen in my life. The drive itself was breathtaking, each curve around the mountainous drive was more beautiful than the one before. On one side was the spectacular view of the ocean, which by the way was the most beautiful shade of blue that I have ever seen, and the other was this million different shades of  green, and lush mountainside. I took a million pictures, and was never able to capture the beauty that I saw with my eyes.

I know I was thinking, why do we need to get in the water, cant we just look at it? :)

But nooo, Chuck was so sure that I was just going to love snorkeling. 

We walked through a jungle area to get down to where the water was. When it opened up to the clearing, it honestly took my breath away, it was so beautiful. There were big rocks, all smooth and somewhat treacherous to walk over to get down to the water. And they were hot on bare feet, and impossible to maneuver on with flip flops, much less fins.

It was awkward at best, scary for me. I didnt know how to breath with the snorkle on or relax enough in the water to where I wasnt fighting it. I got about 12 feet out, and had a major panic attack, and hyperventilated. What fun. All I could think of was, dang, I came all the way to this most beautiful place in the world to die.

Suffice to say, Chuck helped me through it, those of you that know me, know that I am extremely determined when I make up my mind I am going to do something. And I had made up my mind on this one thing.

I didnt want to wuss out on this opportunity of a lifetime.

Once I did relax, I loved it... Which is not to say I was over my fear of “big water”

I still dont like “big water”. I have never been able to scrounge up enough courage to get on a jet ski in the ocean, or lake. I actually did try once, but I panicked and jumped off as quick as I got on...It sounds stupid even as I write it down, but it is what it is.

I have been on numerous catamaran sails, and did fine, but I feel so little on one of those jets skis in the middle of the ocean, or lake. I just feel like a shark could have me as a snack and I wouldnt even know what hit me.

Life is certainly too short to worry about all that, so, I just dont worry about jet skis, I just say no, and watch others do it, its no big deal. They can be the bait if they want to. :)

I have been in an extremely creative mood lately, I guess for several months. I totally redid my sewing room, and have it pretty much the way I want it. I have both of my machines set up, with the lighting the way I want it, and even a flat screen tv on the wall, for my viewing and listening pleasure while I sew. Chuck totally gutted my closet and did elfa shelving in there, and it is very sew friendly.

I am very appreciative of all of this. Not just having my own space, but my own sewing room. I so remember learning to sew so long ago, and most of my life all I ever had was a second hand sewing machine and a kitchen table to sew on.

Now I have two machines that do everything but talk to me, and the space to let my imagination run wild and free.

Its awesome! I have a chair and foot stool, to just sit and relax on when I need inspiration... and two dogs that love to sit at my feet while I sew, who could ask for anything more?

Now I am working on another wall hanging I guess, it is very intricate, with lots of applique and embroidery as well.

I’m having a bit of trouble keeping my focus on this, as there are so many pieces, but I know it will eventually start to ‘become” what I want it to be.

If I get bored in the meantime, I can always get out my list of 

“things that need to be fixed around here”. There is always something that needs touch up paint, or caulk, or something.

Chuck has spent a lot of his spare time working on the yard, lately, I have helped a bit, but I’m not too into the yard work thing, so to speak, (havnt mowed since 1976), and unless hell freezes over, that will remain that way.

I usually only help when I think he has taken on too much, and will have a stroke or heart attack if he tries to do it by himself, such as laying sod, or putting fill dirt down when its 100 degrees in the shade. Anything that involves a wheelbarrow, I really get into that, (NOT)!!! but I dont want to find him passed out on the ground, because he was just too stubborn to take a break.

So we both are doing our “springly” things around here, and we are both enjoying his “non travel” time for now. He still has to work, but he is in his office downstairs, and that is very comforting having him here.

He is totally healed up from his shoulder surgery and is just now starting to get back into tennis.

We have been drilling some, and he is such a great coach.

He doesnt baby me, and yells just enough to piss me off enough to strive harder. 

We have signed up for mixed doubles flex for the summer, and are looking forward to playing together again.

I am sort of taking a mini break from tennis, now that the leagues are over, and we get a couple weeks before the summer season starts up.

I have probably over committed myself once again, but I do love playing, and it keeps me out of trouble. (mostly) 

I hope I never get so busy, that I take for granted all the wonderful and beautiful things around me, all the love I have been given.

How blessed I am, and every day to try and take some time to look and notice at least one thing that is good... like the roses are blooming.....